Updated: Sep 4
There's a whole lot of controversy about dating your friend's ex, which has a specific guide, rule or code on such situation ship, and are never to be breached or broken, as the stigma or go ahead can be pretty bad and get things complicated. As for some, its nothing while others see it as a betrayal. Please cautiously note that we are ex's in the hands of each other, and being interested in a friend's ex involves a lot of bad experiences but for me, that doesn't mean it can't be undone. As such, few people give this rule an exception under some consideration; if it was a good relationship which ended well... it would be difficult to pass unto, but a bad one they wont argue they just warn you. Which draws us to the question why men have the ability to handle such issue more than we women?
I did a little interview with some friends to see their intake on this, and here was their responses to it;
ME: Hi Christie, want to ask you a question can you date your friend's ex?
TELFER Christie: No I cant , well depends on how close I am to the friend
ME: Ushaka Good morning ,please I need to ask you a question. Is it advisable to date your friend's ex ?
Ushaka: Hmmm maybe
ME: Why maybe?
Ushaka: First of all, bro code is evolving. Before now it was unthinkable to date your friend's ex but right now people are changing. Personally I can date a friend's ex, but my friend has to be cool with it. And love makes you crazy.
ME: Hello, Grace.
Grace Lim: Hello Blessing, how are you today?
ME: Am good, so I needed your opinion about dating your friend's ex, can you?
Grace Lim: Nope ,not really.
ME: And why?
Grace Lim: Am not sure it's right. But then, if your friend doesn't mind and you love the guy, you can go ahead, it's no issue.
ME: Hi Richard, so I have a question about dating your friend's ex, does it seem right to you?
Richard Uyok: It depends
Richard Uyok: If the feelings are mutual, then we can work it out. Also depends on what led to their break up.
ME: Alright ,thanks.
Based on the above interviews and their response am going to lay my own perspective on two sides :
Firstly, its love and it can't be stopped. It happens to anyone, anywhere and anytime so if you are in that situation, where you find yourself falling in love with your friend's ex , the question behind your head will be, are you willing to sacrifice your friendship for the new romantic one? if you are not (which you are not insane to) I advise you to talk to your friend.
Dr Patrick Wannis an expert in human behavior and relationship agrees that, it is important to find out before proceeding with your intention. For example, would you still want to date this guy, if your friend revealed to you the reason why they broke up. Especially if you are faster than your shadow and went to the stream with no bucket, it's better to find out such things in advance than later. Question's like.......
*How long did they date?
*Reason for breaking up?
*Were you and the ex friend first?( inside your conscience and deepest mind)
*Do you think being with your friend ex could ruin your friendship?
*How will your friend react to this your decision or feeling?
*Is your friend truly over their ex?
*If your friend and the ex weren't that serious?
I seriously think we should stop being selfish to block other people happiness just because of some strict rule, beside every general rule has an exception and that exclusion of such exception, which might lead to marriage. People who happen to be in this situation should not be judged, it simply a chemistry which can not be controlled, lets just give room to such people and open our minds to such possibilities, as the world is changing and things which seemed unacceptable are now openly finding their spot. To persons who happen to find themselves in such disposition should do well to communicate to that friend as it warrants commonsense and social sensitivity. So they are not taken by surprise and the friend will happily give you their blessing while you both multiply the earth in abundance.
Now to my other perspective; if you my friend are dating my ex or the other way round, thoughts happens to run through my mind like; is my ex trying to get back to me through my friend, where you both flirting with each other before we broke up ? is it a trap? does my ex like me, but doesn't know how to express his feelings, just had to be cowardly? should I warn my friend, cos my ex obviously just want to hit her cos she's hot and now we are done or this is the cheating dude chance. At anyways its a No! No! for me. Officially me and my ex are now enemies and so you my friend should not cross such boundary ,much cannot be explained on this reaction except betrayal and disrespect . Even if I have to pretend to accept such tragic relationship how am I suppose to act at the sight of my ex its will be awkward. Communication won't flow well, sitting there and looking at the both of you talk about yourselves. And just stupidly smiling and looking at the same person I said the same things to, now we are officially strangers to each other won't be that easy, a true friend should know and understand that and try to reason how I will feel. So acknowledging the fact that dating my ex is not acceptable and should be held strongly among our own group of conducts.
P.S , am sorry for uploading so late at length from the last post, reasons which cannot be explained but I promise that future post will be dropped constantly especially at this period of lock down. I will really appreciate if you can share the link to your friends and keep the comment flowing. Please lets not forget to stay home and stay safe also those people who seem to turn surgical gloves and mask to a 24hrs wear need to stop.